Burnt-out woman wants to take 1 week-long Hawaii vacation away from spouse, he doesn't think it's fair: 'He gets 1 week paid PTO and he used it as a staycation. He's not big on travel'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 9, 2025 10:00 AM EST

We all need time away from our loved ones now and then. The healthiest relationships know that time away makes everything go a little bit smoother. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and that's especially true in a long-term relationship. That doesn't mean you should take breaks from each other all the time, it just means that you recognize that you are still independent people with your own interests and your own friends, and you can exercise your right to explore those. This is especially helpful if you're going through a rough time and you're the kind of person who heals better by themselves. When a particular negative experience is attached to a particular place, it can be extra hard to stay there and relive the memories day after day. In these situations, I'm a huge proponent of the solo travel experience. 

It can help you get out of your body and mind and transport you to an entirely new experience. But what about the people you might be leaving behind in these moments? Do they get a say in what you do with your time? 

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  • A woman traveling alone uses her phone while an eye mask sits on her head.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman experienced that situation head-on after she went through struggles with fertility. When given the opportunity to go off and relax by herself, she was ready to take it. Her partner, however, saw it a different way. Read on to see what happened in this relationship. 

  • Am I wrong for wanting to take a 1 week vacation to Hawaii without spouse?

    I have 3 weeks of pto left to use for the rest of the year and after failed IVF my friends invited me to visit and stay with them as a way to cope with the situation, as I've been dealing with things since April and finally gave up.
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • Emotional not doing well. (Clearly since I'm here typing this out) My spouse doesn't think it's fair since he doesn't have time off to go and I don't want him to miss work and it be unpaid.
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • He gets 1 week paid PTO and he used it as a staycation. He's not big on travel.
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • If he joins me then it would cause us to get a hotel, probably a rental car and increase our expenses.
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • I want to go as cheap as possible.
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • A woman traveling alone in an airplane looks at her phone.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters agreed that this was more complicated than it seemed.

    VivaZane I had 3 chemical pregnancies and fuck the hormonal changes and major drop in whatever threw me in a deep depression. It was the craziest ride I've ever experienced.
    via u/VivaZane
  • OP Key Replacement987 I'm sorry you know that journey all too well. Hormones suck! Whether you have too much or not enough. It's a wild time and definitely makes you feel crazy. Working on not being reactive to everything.
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • Bibliophile_w_coffee NTA. If this is a healing trip for the soul, surrounded by other women, I would let him know that. I would also let him know that this isn't a Hawaii trip in the since of an exotic sexy vacation. This is you, at your friends sofa, wine, tears, talking till sun rise etc. the friend just happens to live in Hawaii. Plan an exotic sexy beach vacation with him next year, and ask him if he doesn't want you on this friends sofa, what locations is he okay with you crashing with frie
    via u/Bibliophile_w_coffee
  • OP Key Replacement987 Sending a big hug your way. Thank you for your words. It was a difficult thing to hear even knowing my low chances of responding. The hope grows on you, even when you know better. It would by far be a sexy beach vacation. I'm still bruised up from the injections and all the other lovely things IVF gives you. It would be time talking and hanging out on a beach. Healing. All my friends who live near my home have 2-3 kids and no one knows my struggles. So it would be comfortin
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • kaykakez727 Whew! From experience (currently 7 weeks pregnant with my IVF nugget) the hormones are so harsh on our body along with the mental gymnastics of disappointments after disappointments. I'm not saying men aren't feeling it but take what they are feeling and magnify it by 10, because that's what the hormones do to you. I have been on hormones straight since April smh and currently shooting them daily in my butt
    via u/kaykakez727
  • OP Key Replacement987 Congratulations girlie, sincerely! You are on those PIO shots. Through my research, I was scared for them. Hang in there. Sending you all the good thoughts for it to go by quickly and as pain free as possible
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • Connect-Peach2337 What exactly does he expect you to do with your extra PTO?
    via u/Connect-Peach2337
  • OP Key Replacement987 He wants me to either take it and stay home. (I work from home so don't care too) Or cash it out and be taxes 30%. Saying we could use it to go next year somewhere. Which I refuse to give anymore or my money to taxes.
    via u/KeyReplacement987
  • Leather_Bisexual You're not necessarily the asshole for wanting to go on a vacation without your spouse, but you're kind of the asshole for using it as a way to deal with your emotions about something I'm sure your spouse is also having a hard time dealing with. I'd probably need more information to really have a say here, but it's definitely something you should have a longer conversation with your spouse about.
    via u/Leather_Bisexual
  • OP Key Replacement987 I'll be starting individual therapy sessions on Thursday because I know there's other issues that are developing here after the aftermath of my health issues. I was doing IVF for egg freezing due to a severe endometriosis. I was doing more in regards to preservation and I didn't respond. He was not on board 100% about the process but respected what I wanted. If he is down about it, he hasn't shown it much. But I do see how it can come off as me using it as an excuse
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 Hear me out: Just go. Either he understands or he doesn't and you need to heal either way. Your job is to take care of you at this moment, and the universe offered you a path through your friends. Yes, marriages matter but marriages can not last when one person is shattered. Go, heal, and promise me you sit quietly and watch one entire start to finish sunset in your own silence. Journal everyday. Build up your inner strength to be comfortable in your skin.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606
  • OP Key Replacement987 You sound exactly like one of my friend who offered me her home the moment I shared my news. A beautiful soul that believes there's purpose in the pain. I know those beautiful sunsets and sunrises are healing. I've seen them do wonders on her. Thank you
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • CmonRoach4316 NTA. What did you do during his staycation
    via u/CmonRoach4316
  • OP Key Replacement987 I was working
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • laguna_biyatch I made an "ew" face reading this. Even 3 weeks PTO isn't very much. I also work from home and would go insane just spending my PTO at home.
    via u/laguna_biyatch
  • OP Key Replacement987 Yeah staycation just does not sound good when you work from home already. I get a healthy amount of time off. But the rest was spent recovering from surgery and time off for the cycles.
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • fsoci3ty_ After reading this comment I really don't get why you and him are on a relationship... it doesn't feel like any of you are really a couple. On your original post it seems like he used his vacation without you, which is already weird if you are in a committed relationship. Then you mention how the IVF was something that you wanted and that he was not on board 100% (whatever that means). Now it seems that you don't even know if this was something that shook him up at all. I'm not trying
    via u/Key_Replacement987
  • OP Key Replacement987 The reason for him taking his PTO when he did was a decision he made after dealing with several rough weeks at work and needing that break. My job gives me PTO but it needs to be scheduled at least a month out. I didn't see anything wrong with him taking it when he did to help him recharge. Me doing IVF was due to other health complications | encountered earlier this year and my doctor suggested to consider going through it as a form of preserving my already low. fertility.
    via u/Key_Replacement987

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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship marriage relationship status fertility relationship-drama reddit story marriage-drama relationships story reddit thread IVF Reddit healthy relationship
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